20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son

 1. Play a sport. 

It will teach you how to win honorably,
lose gracefully, respect authority,

... work with others, manage your time
and stay out of trouble.
And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship

so don't take something away from her
that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.

 Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young

 because you're going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you to...

the dishwasher, oven,
washing machine, iron,
vacuum, mop and broom.
Now please go use them.

6. Always treat people with the respect you wish to be treated with.

7. Don't ever be a bully

and don't ever start a fight,
but if some idiot clocks you,
please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly.

Forever is a long time to live alone
and it's even longer to live with somebody
who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.

This includes her having a successful career
and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.
Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is

because they're "private".
Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.

Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right.

18. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.

My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.