The Bright Kid Challenge: The Debater (Part 1)

I read this book, The Bright Kid Challenge by Andrew Fuller a while ago and thought I would share it here on what I have learned from this book.

This book shows you how to handle and nurture smart kids who aren't bad, but have found ways to get away with doing bad things, .  They come in a variety of types:

1.  The Debater
2.  The Negotiator
3.  The Competitor
4.  The Manipulator
5.  The Passive Resister
6.  The Dare Devil

Let me start with the first type, The Debater for I believe my son falls into this group. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to boast about how smart and gifted my boy is.  He is just a normal kid.  To me, all normal kids are bright kids, they are incredibly smart, irresistibly adorable and ultimately admirable.  But they have found a way to get what they want and will keep using it over and over, driving parents and teachers crazy!    I find this book useful with tips for parents to not only understand and handle these sweet but difficult kids, but develop their skills into positive life habits that will let them make the most of their natural talents.

The Characteristics of A DEBATER:

• is very determined,
• has a strong sense of fairness of right and wrong,
• always argue the point,
• is very verbal - they can use language well,
• is energetic to the point of being driven,
• is often not tuned in to their own emotions,
• is aware of resentment and a lack of fairness, which often disguises an insecurity about whether they are good enough and lovable enough, and
• can be indignant.

STRATEGIES FOR PARENTING DEBATERS

• Don't debate these children for long periods; instead, respond with affection.  For example, "You poor dear, you must be so unhappy to be feeling that way, let me give you a hug."  Deal with their hurt feelings.  Offer understanding rather than pity, then set up opportunities for success.
• Set aside some special time with these children each week that is child-directed is particularly valuable. (This is a good idea with all kids, but is really helpful with Debaters.)
• These children need to have structured times, e.g., start at..., finish at.... Then they can know that this time belongs to them, and they don't have to struggle or complain to maintain your attention.
• One-on-one time often works best to begin with.  These children have learned that one way to get affection and attention is through disputes.  Non-verbal signs such as ruffling their hair or patting their shoulder work well as reminders that they are loved.
• Families with Debaters need to have consistency and structure lifestyle, put routines into family life and ensure everyone gets a fair go.
• Debaters are masters of emotionally accusing others.  If allowed to, Debaters can spend enormous amounts of time accusing and blaming others until it becomes a habit.  Either walk away, saying, "I can't listen to this right now," or look at them sadly and say, "I can see you must be feeling very sad in order to be saying those things.  Come and have a hug."

Personal Verdict:

Ian posesses most of the characteristics of a Debater.

1. He has a strong sense of right and wrong and takes words and promises seriously.  We have to be exremely careful not to simply give promises or he would argue the point until you eat your own words. In other words, don't make promises you can't keep.  
2. He is insecure and needs lots of reassurance that he is loved and this is where hugs and kisses work wonders!  Really, parents, if you are reading this, TRY IT!  We always remind him of his past success to boost his confidence whenever he is down and in doubt of his own abilities and this works pretty well on our boy too.
3. He is a routine boy who prefers to have a timetable to structure his time for study, sports and play.  He feels calmer and secure to know that a part of the scheduled time in the timetable belongs to him.
4. He is a very active boy that apart from his studies, we have to slot in some physical activities to burn off his excess energy, be it running freely in the park, playing badminton/table tennis, swimming, his Aikido lessons or just about anything that can help burn off his excess energy and that includes cutting down his sugar intake).

Basically, I have some of my parenting strategies laid out in point form here.  Parenting takes Courage, Commitment and Patience in which I believe I get along so well with the 2Cs (syiok sendiri, ok) while struggling with Mr P.  Mr P... Oh.. I want you so desperately... let us be good friends, ok.. *keeping fingers crossed*